Thursday, July 31, 2008

Malay wedding

Recently I attended a wedding ceremony held at a very popular venue in KL . It was a grand reception and the bride ( I know her from small ) was stunning in her silver grey wedding dress.Some brides couldn't compete with the guests' attires and glitters and just drown in the background. Most of the time,the brides are the main attraction but the grooms are quite safe from the scrutinity.

As usual the bride and groom were introduced to the guests via the big screen featuring them during childhood until the akad nikah ceremony. If you really know either one of them , you will enjoy the show and you feel connected. If not you will feel like you are in foreign land.

One can imagine going to a lavish wedding yawning amidst the "....and the first time they saw each other.....winter....London/Paris/New York..." . After that you are caught in a mile long queue to congratulate the pengantin who look through you with their readymade smiles.

To me weddings are always for relatives ,close friends and neighbours who really know you and your children. When my son was getting married I planned for a small reception .The caterer was surprised and told me usually first wedding in the family should be between 800 to 1000 guests.But of course you don't want your son to throw plastic smiles at some of the guests that he doesn't know!

There was one wedding I really cherished . It was held in a garden that can cater about 200 to 300 guest from 12noon to 3pm.A small and sweet wedding it was and very personal.The host can really sit down and entertain the guests.And I wish I could do the same to the rest of my children .

Can you imagine a wedding ceremony without tepak sirih and hantaran? Well my friend had done that.She told her tok besan not to bring any tepak sirih, just bring cincin and duit maskahwin only.During the akad nikah no one realised there were no dulang hantaran berderet-deret di tengah rumah.



During my daughter's engagement there was no tepak sirih but during the akad nikah my tok besan said her relatives in the kampung insist on bringing the tepak sirih. When I told them to bring 3 dulang hantaran their relatives insisted that 5 is the minimum. I had to crack my head as how to fill the dulang balasan .Of course you dont simply put sejadah,kueh baulu or kek buah just to fill the trays.You might insult your children's parent in law!

Now I am thinking hard whether or not to serve nasi putih with kari ikan, sambal belacan serta ulam-ulam, sayur kampung and no rendang daging and acar buah during my last two children' wedding. Hmmm...will my friends enjoy the food or will they say I am kedekut.


My family do not observe bersanding ceremony,therefore there is no pelamin in the house.If tok besan's side follow the bersanding tradition,I will abide by it.Many said it is unfair for me not to allow my children to bersanding.Since marriage is a one in a lifetime ocassion I should not deny them of their right to bersanding. To that I have no answer and I don't want to get caught in chicken or egg situation.

As there is no pelamin therefore there is no bunga pahar.To make up for it I make bunga telur for each of my guest as door gift. I hope they don't throw the bunga after they eat the telur!